Grieving Alone: When Siblings Pass

– There was little existing knowledge about bereaved siblings, and nothing about bereaved siblings after this particular kind of death, says Meen.

Her thesis is part of a national project, the END project, where researchers have looked into the consequences of drug-related deaths on those left behind.

Losing a child is one of the worst things a human being can experience. In our culture, this is an established and recognised truth. 

But how about losing a sister or a brother - someone you´ve known your entire life?

Gunhild Skipenes Meen's findings shed light on how we as a society perceive the grief of these siblings, but also how they themselves perceive their own sorrow.

Insight into addiction

Before doing her PhD, Meen already had several years' worth of experience working with people who suffered from addiction. She carries with her these experiences, and her dedication to this work, in her academic career.

– Each of the deceased usually has at least one sibling, and often more than one. The number of overdose deaths in Norway each year is between 250 and 300, and there are at least as many siblings who are left behind, says Meen.

In addition, there are deaths from other drug related causes, like disease and violence. In other words, the number of bereaved is substantial, and siblings comprise a large part of this group.

– What little research I found on bereaved siblings, revolved around their experience of not really being recognised as bereaved, Meen explains.

How to make meaning?

Meen's research does not tackle grief as something individual and psychological, but rather as a socio-cultural phenomeneon. She has looked into discourses around grief: How do we understand grief in our cultural context, and how do we expect grieving people to act? Who really has the right to grieve?

– Through my research, I have found out more about why bereaved siblings feel a lack of recognition. I have also considered the stigma associated with these kinds of deaths, and the significance of sibling position in the experience of loss, says Meen.

In our culture, we have several different recurring storylines we use to make sense of drug related deaths. In this context, we differentiate between stories, meaning the individual stories about the deceased, and storylines. These storylines are social and cultural frameworks which aid our understanding of and communication around events in our lives. While the stories are individual, the storylines are general.

The informants in the END-project often make use of these storylines when making meaning of their experience as bereaved, and of the death they have experienced.

– One storyline, that the parents of the deceased have done something wrong, appears to be particularly prevalent in our cultural context, says Meen.

– And then there are other storylines, used to "acquit" the family of guilt, for instance blaming the system instead. This storyline is typical of the Norwegian welfare state.

Distancing the deceased from "typical addicts"

Storylines about the power of addictive substances are prevalent. In these storylines, the substances have a sort of inherent force, so strong that overcoming it virtually requires a miracle. This way, the deceased siblings are freed from responsibility: It wasn't their fault. The power of addiction is insurmountable.

The most prevalent storyline among these particular informants, is the storyline about a lack of recognition. Societally, we view losing a child as one of the worst things a human being can experience. The grief of bereaved siblings, however, is not viewed as equally grave.

Many of these siblings felt an obligation to stay strong and provide support for other family members.

– I’ve felt concerned about my mom, especially. Her immediate grief reaction was much more physical than the reactions the rest of us had, says John (36), who lost his brother ten years ago.

When Frida (36) lost her brother to drugs, she hid her sorrow from her parents.

– I noticed early on that I didn’t want to burden my parents with my own pain. Also, I was constantly thinking about their pain. So, I felt like I was carrying a double grief, she says.

Raising the status of grieving siblings

The stories of the bereaved siblings made an impression on the researcher, Gunhild Skipenes Meen.

– My thesis shows that these siblings are expected to be supportive, not to be affected by the death, and not to need anything from others. This is also the way they themselves understand their position, she says.

She hopes her research contributes to an increased recognition for bereaved siblings, but also for the deceased.

– I've worked in this field myself, and these are deaths that are not given particular importance in our society, Meen says.

The national research project END that Meen's thesis is part of, has not only shed light on the situation of those bereaved by drug-related deaths. It has also paved the way for a national organisation for this group of people.

The siblings mentioned in this article have been given new names to preserve their anonymity.

This article has also been published on forskning.no. The quotes from the siblings are taken from Gunhild Skipenes Meen's thesis.

 

Text: Vetle Nordgård Mikkelsen
Images: Mauricio Pavez and Vetle Nordgård Mikkelsen